Step around the poop, if you can

I am thinking about writing a personal ad for one of those dating services, this is what I came up with so far, since this is what I usually wind up with anyway:

WANTED
" angry,uptight,condescending control freak for long,demeaning relationship."
Must be moody and an expert in making me feel fearful to talk about anything-because thats what I like. The more you change your story and keep me wondering, the happier I will be. If you are looking for someone to love you no matter how obnoxious and mean you become, then Im the girl for you.
Lying, no sense of humor, addictions and know-it-all personality features are a plus.
Don't have time for me or what I think? no problem.
Feel free to talk to me like Im a retarded ferret. Call me whenever you can-you are much more important than I am -I'll be waiting.