Step around the poop, if you can

You all know about these warnings, but this should be the rating for the john at my job:

Think about these - stocking stuffers:


Another interesting but useless gadget from Japan, presenting the neck stretcher. To use this thing, simply place around the neck, than use the handpump to send air rushing through the tube. You are supposed to feel a nice “refreshing sensation” as the pressure slowly stretches the back of your neck. Unfortunatley, like always, you can only purchase this in Japan ($25 USD).

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Cheetos Lip Balm
Cheetos Lip Balm is exactly that, lip balm that tastes like Cheetos
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Now this is something you probably haven’t seen before. Introducing the RSStroom reader by Yi Tien Electronics, with this gadget you’ll be able to print the latest RSS headlines directly on to rolls of toilet paper. It also features Wi-Fi Connectivity, USB 2.0, and RSS 2.0/Atom compatibility. This reader interacts with your toilet bowl “biometrically” which basically means when you sit down this thing will weigh you. Depending on your weight, it’ll deliver you a customized news feed. Sadly this product is only available in Taiwan right now

All the negativity I see and hear each day- makes me glad that it doesnt take much to make me happy... This is a boring, but necessary for me to ponder, list.
Example of my happy list: Bourbon balls, stand up comedy and a sense of humor-lauging and making others laugh, romance, cats, animals, happy hour, my excellent health, sushi, breakfast, ability to pay the bills, a job,intelligence, able to cook good tofu and brussell sprouts,strawberry margaritas,snow,warm blankets,phone calls,letters,emails,television,pizza,losing weight,trying and succeeding in something new,giving things,helping,the way a space looks after its cleaned and organized,dancing,going out to a movie,buying a trashy magazine,conversation,good sex, spending a quiet evening indoors, cold nights, showering,my flat iron for my hair,weekend and road trips,bagels
Notice how none of the above include another individual? I am gearing up to be alone the rest of my life.
I'd better be happy about that too.

Fuck you sofa man-Brian- You are a complete greedy ass numbskull who should be diagnosed with A.D.D. at least. This guy is not normal and totally needs to be on 4 or 5 medications.
He sold me a sofa in october, said it was a "deal at 450.00" as it should go for double or triple that but because its a floor model and the last one he has, he's lettin it go cheap.
It was a nice sofa and I liked it and the price was good, so, I made a deal with the guy for 450.00, tax(which he didnt tell me about) was another 35.00 so the total was 485.00
Brian says to me, in between rudely yaking and screeching like a freak at the same time, non stop to his wife, who happens to work with him, that he needs the sofa for another week until he gets something to replace the spot that its going to be removed from
I paid him $185.00 on the spot and told him I would be in next payday to give him some more-I should have it paid in about 4 wks. But I dont have a truck or anyone to get it to me. He says no problem he has someone who can do that and everything is
okay with him.

Then a couple weeks later, he calls me and asks if his wife could take that sofa for a house she is trying to sell in an exclusive neighborhood. If I would let her do that he would order me a new sofa at the same price

I said okay. No Problem.
I didnt hear from him again (except for the bank statement that shows he cashed the 185.00 check) until December 6th (LAST TUESDAY) then he starts baraging me with phone calls at home, on my cell and at work to tell me that the sofa is being delivered to him tomorrow and that he has no room in his wherehouse to store this sofa when it comes in, could I get it.

I thought, he has some nerve (guess its part of his mental illness)calling me to come get a sofa the next day when I told him in the beginning that I didnt have a way to pick it up. Besides, I havent finished paying for it- I ignored his call

He calls me constantly over the next few days so I decide to call him back a few days later and I get the voice mail so I leave a message telling him all that and that I couldnt pay for the sofa that day.

He calls me back, leaves a message and says and I quote, "my assistant can deliver and we can work it out"

I call Brian the next day and speak with him, he talks to me on the phone the same time he is yaking his A.D.D. self off to someone in the background.
He gives me the number to his assistant and tells me to arrange a time to deliver
I think this is odd, but he is odd, so I call the assistant to make arrangements to deliver the sofa the next day. The assistant sounds very nice and he arranges the time of delivery and then says "oh that will be $75.00 to deliver-is that okay?" I said, "well I guess it will have to be."
The assistant comes and delivers the sofa and I give him the 75.00 check for his delivery time. He leaves
Then 15 minutes later my phone rings, its the assistant, "Brian told me I was supposed to pick up a check from you for the sofa, I forgot" he says "I said, what??, I told Brian that I hadnt couldnt pay him for the sofa yet, and that I would work something out with him and he seemed okay with that, I cant pay for the sofa or give you a check until my payday, Thursday. The assistant seemed satisfied with that and said "oh,maybe Brian forgot he spoke with you" I said "it appears that he did" and that was the end of that

Then this morning Brian the greedy,mentally challenged farthead calls me to say "We never had a conversation like that" I told him yes we did, and that I would walk him a check in next thursday when I get paid or he is welcomed to come pick up the fucking sofa and take it back.
Ok to me coming in on thursday, lets see if he gives me more grief. I swear if he gives me a higher price on this sofa, I am going to tell him to take back the sofa and give me a refund.
Im sick of this asshole, I dont see how his wife can stand him unless shes as unstable mentally as he is.
I hate this community all composed of greedy ass,control freak people-including their stuck up, shit head, think-everyone owes them something, kids who will grow up to be gangsters of some sort, because their parents are deliquents.
Deliquents raising deliquents.

Me and my "friend" saw Ron White in concert (hes a comedian, one of the guys from the Blue Collar Tour that Jeff Foxworthy heads up)
We were people watching and I swear, everyone who came in to the theater was 250 pounds (men and women), beer guts and gray pony tails (men),wore torn harley davidson type gear (men and women)...the people who sat in front and the side of us were repressed..no laughter,no expressions,no anything-yikes
Ron is..an excellent stand up comic.
He was fuckin hilarious.
See him in person if you get a chance,or hes on the comedy channel alot

Big stogie in one hand, a whiskey on the rocks in the other while he shoots off funny after funny.

He asked a staff member of his why she has a tongue ring and she told him the boyfriend likes it as it makes oral sex feel better.
Ron says "no...it doesnt, the blow job itself, feels good. and he asked the audience guys, when was the last time you said "this blow job would feel much better if you used steel. Go get the butter knife."

After the show, we went back to Orange county to get something to eat-it was 10pm on a friday and no shit, nothing was open, the restaurant we finally went to that was opened, an Islands(burgers) closed at 11pm. Swinging town.

Tell a friend about Ron