Step around the poop, if you can

Joe,my brother thinks this billboard is a "brilliant marketing ploy" and that there are other things happening in the US that are far more important then getting spazed out and all Va-clempt over this little advertisement-we need to just SHUT UP.
Awww, the genius pool that runs thru my blood is amazing.

Joe, perhaps you need to be reminded of your little Mexican "vacation" not too long ago? Or maybe its no big deal to you, either
The hours you spent in the Barney Miller mexican jail cell for public drunkedness while you looked on as Fernando emptied his bowels right in front of you, like he was on Wild Kingdom, or how the very ethical "Polici-a" stole all the money you had out of your wallet so you couldnt possibly bail yourself out
"no money,senor" was what they told you..right? (did they have big handle bar mustaches too?)
Oh yeah, let us not forget poor Paco who, as he power vommited continuously in this cell, you watched the sympathetic Polici-a keep slapping his head, I guess to the beat of the heaves.
Maybe it was the goo that looked and smelled like something that comes from someones ass when they are sick that they tried to get you to eat for breakfast(with a tortilla)that made you "feel" something special toward the lovely Country of Mexico,and any attempt by US citizens to "dare" become angered at that sort of advertisement, is, in your opinion,stupid, and we(the California citizens-oh yeah, which would include,YOU) are making too much of this sort of thing-California is Mexico, after all.
You must not think that the Mexican Aliens who are allowed to, and are, invading California, at a preposturous rate, ILLEGALLY,(the key word) and are using California resources such as worker comp benefits,causing traffic jams and hospital closures,among other things, are much of an issue that we should spaz out at either. Speaking as a Californian, I think the Mexicans or whoever the rat bastard was that thought of this "brilliant marketing scheme" have some big Cojones. It wont get me to listen to their fucking stupid station.

You must be all ready for the change from city to city-dump.

Maybe your adventure in Mexico was just another brilliant marketing scheme.

Why cant I win on that website that offers $10,000 if you are lucky enough to have your name drawn-they, evidently,put your name in a barrel or something highly technological, just for using their site. My brother has a local friend who,though,he happens to be wealthly already, actually won this fucking money simply by clicking on their site. bastard. I have used this site as my home page for at least 6 months or longer- nothing.

Why do people post pictures of baby rabbits that they declare they will decide if they kill or save depending on the person who writes in with the best reason for doing either and if you wish to vote on this grisely little contest, they have hooked up pay pal which will allow you to vote this cute little guy off the island for $1.00

Why do celebrities get away with crime?

Why does the dude from Georgia think no one would suspect him in the disappearance of his fiance?

Why are those chosen as managers lazy fucks,full of hot wind, farts and do nothing but pass the buck all day long, while placing the blame on others for something they are clearly guilty of? And why is nothing ever done to punish these bowel movements?

Why do I get a receipt for buying an ice cream cone?

Why do sales people always smile? Do they have central nervous systems?

Why do men lose 10 pounds in 1 week by simply cutting out 1 piece of bread?

Why does fucking fruit cost so much in the supermarket to the point that no one buys it and it rots?

Why dont I have a boyfriend?Im a great catch.

Why do I still like the Bee-Gees (that could be why I dont have a boyfriend)

Why is there no mice flavored cat food?

Why why why why why?

I come home from work to a phone message from my 70 year old apartment manager. "Please call me" she requests. So I do.

She says to me "The owner wants you to take out your window air conditioner"

"I've had it in the window for 5 years" I state

"really?" she asks "did I know?"

Lets see, I thought, you and the owner have been in my apartment at least 30 times in the last 5 years and you gave me mini blinds that are cut to fit around the air conditoner- hmmm-no- I guess I was hiding it from you.

But,I replied to the old gal-"You gave me permission when I asked you way back then"

I have lived in my apartment for 10 years,when I moved in cats were allowed,not anymore. The manager had to explain to the owner why I have cats in a "no animal allowed" building

Shit, I actually TOLD the old woman manager, "I don't bother anyone,I have cats and an air conditioner-leave me alone".

I'm moving I've decided. Guess its time

My blog entry for today wont take sorry- Im trying

Damn you'd think something might go right, ONCE IN A WHILE for me.
I hate to whine. I love to laugh. Sorry about the whining.

Good thing Im capable of looking at the humorous side of shit or I'd have eaten my brain out by now.
Good thing I have spoons. I can shove them up my ass, if need be.
"why"? you ask
To have something that will destract me from all the lunacy and pain
If I have to be in THAT much pain-I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO CAUSES IT.

I get home from a particularly bad day at work due to some idiot moronic supervisor from another office who writes in his computer documentation screen, (which, by the way, is not a personal blog-you retarded ferret),some crazy,insulting shit about ME in it, that turns out, isnt even true.
Well, anyway, after work, I come home and listen to my phone messages and there was a message from some chick at my credit union telling me that the loan I have with them for the car hasnt been paid off yet. (remember,I bought a car from Saturn and they took my old car as a trade in-which means they needed to write my credit union a check to pay off the loan.) She goes on to say, thats between me and Saturn to deal with that. Good customer service, Bitch.
Okay, so I call Saturn and get transferred twice only to be told that the person who handles "that" is not in the office.
I went fucking balistic.(not in my nature) I told her to fucking get someone to get this issue resolved immediately.
Then I called another Saturn dealer in another town and was told, "you need to speak with the manager, (duh, I had called, hes never in the office),you need to speak with your sales person an have them help ya" More great customer service. "No",I thought,"why dont you help a sister out and call the fucking dealership in my behalf"
So, then I thought, hmmmm, I'll write a letter.
I get on the Saturn website and start writing my scathing account of everything I've been through- and I send a copy to the Main Saturn dealer in Tennessee.
The person in Tennessee-with their front teeth bucked out,Im sure, Emailed me to tell me the person who handles THAT isnt in the office.
I get an email back from the Supervisor of Customer Service who is located at my Saturn who asks "what Saturn was it you were interested in?" and had the nerve to ask me,"how my total experience was, at Saturn"
I promptly email this company genuis, back and stated "Geeze,you couldnt follow what I asked in my last email? I have already purchased a Saturn 3 wks ago...I just wanted your help in finding out why my other car hadnt been paid off yet by Saturn" You know,in commercials, Saturn insists their customer service is the best. I think it takes more than smiling and offering the customer a cup of coffee to be able to brag about that

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not White.
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.
8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Hickey's are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your
family.
10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10.Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

LMAO- Sorry guys.

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you
that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card-playing when I wantwith my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night
......... whether you're here or not."

(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to
answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to
be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of
paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about
to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Im sitting at the computer, blogging, Cup of coffee by my side-1 splenda and some cream added, thinking about last week and today:

Today: Made chorizo for breakfast, mine turned out much better than my bro's mess did (see his story below for details,if you have the stomach).
Cleaned out my bedroom closet-shit, I had more blouses and shirts in dark blue than I thought. I have a whole garbage bag of stuff for Goodwill and I just threw out about 1 thousand bent up hangers...WIRE HANGERS. I cant say I dont have anything to wear-if anyone saw my closet (not that anyone is in my bedroom) they would say, Im a liar. But I need some summer clothes. Dilemma-where the hell do I put them? In my ass?

Monday thru Friday- My anal retentive boss was so impressed and thought I was soooo damn good at my job (yeah,right),that she decided, I would be the one to cover for a co-worker who was out sick all week. That was a real stress reducer.
Friday-around 12pm-told my anal retentive boss that I needed to leave around 3(my usual work hours are 7am-3:30pm) to make it to the post office before it closed (Im an hour away from my post office),
She said,with attitude,"if you need a stamp, I can supply this for you"

Hell-ooo,"if I just needed a stamp, I wouldnt ask to leave early, you moron"-I wanted to say.

Instead, I replied, "I need to mail a letter to the court house certified, regarding my ticket and its due by monday" (see my blog entry "shit" for details)

Still with attitude and sarcasm she replied "fine,go"

"Oh",I thought, "climb back into the bell tower- you snatch."

Friday night- Dad-bless his heart, had another birthday-I think he's 200, he left me a voice mail message to remind me of this. He also wanted to tell me that my brother was going to meet him for lunch on saturday,if I wanted to go,I should call him so he can give me directions.

Saturday-Got my hair/nails done, I did errands that I couldnt do monday thru friday,including selling some possesions so I could fill my gas tank in my car, because I was too fucking tired when I left work to do anything but collapse in front of the TV and sleep (go figure) No, I didnt make lunch with dad but, I'll make this up to him. Hey, I called him and sent him an ecard, I have a present in mind but he always returns my stuff or tells me he doesnt want it, so Im leery.
I called my, more than friend but less than a boyfriend of 2 years, to say, "hi honey"
He temporarily,while he's finishing his degree, lives in another state-NO, this is not the Texas weirdo from my 1st blog entry, either.
He told me he wasnt going to be out to California until July-he thought he might be out in May or June.
He and his sister are cooking up a surprise for his parents around his birthday in May-he will be meeting them in Las Vegas- They are planning to take in a couple of shows!
What a wonderful son, you say,
Yeah, wonderful.
Last year I went to Las Vegas to spend a couple of days with him-turns out,the story he tells everyone, is, that, "I invited myself" (Funny how it turned into this scenario when we talked about this trip, together, way before-hand... plus I paid for the hotel room that he stayed at,for 2 days. Oh yeah,we didnt go to any shows-too expensive.)
Perhaps this is difficult to understand, but,to this day,I am absoultely humiliated by the thought that he actually told people that I invited myself to stay with him in Las Vegas-there is no way I would do this and to this day I really dont understand why he would say this.

Oh, and when he does come to California in July, as always for the 4th of July, he and his family will be participating in a party on his friend's, sisters boat, which I have never been invited to, nor am invited to this time either.

You know,Im noticing, you can be a criminal,500 pounds,look like Abe Vigoda's sister,have spent time in a psych ward as long as you arent ME, you will either be married,heading that way,OR, you will have a significant/long term/intimate relationship with someone.

I guess alone isnt that bad, Im getting used to it.

Taxpayers Taken in on April 1
Fri Apr 1, 2005

OTTAWA - Canada's top tax collector had the citizens of Ottawa up in arms on Friday morning when he announced a plan to force them to file their taxes electronically if they wanted a refund before Christmas.

Revenue Minister John McCallum said on a local CBC radio show he was launching a pilot project in Ottawa called "E-file or Else," with long delays and even a 5 percent surcharge for paper filers.

This prompted calls voicing outrage because some people do not have computers and in any case some had already filed their tax returns.

Before the early morning program went off the air, McCallum's voice came on once more: "To all the taxpayers of Ottawa, April Fools' Day."

Another year the show had a minister proclaiming that the government was replacing the clock on Parliament's Peace Tower -- similar to the British Parliament's Big Ben -- with a digital version.