Step around the poop, if you can

THE MIDDLE AGE WOMAN VERSION:

STUNT I- Big doctor's scale in the middle of the room,must get on it

STUNT II- Must be taken to high school reunion immediately

STUNT III- Must go in a mans restroom and stay at least 5 minutes


THE MIDDLE AGE MAN VERSION:

STUNT I-Must stop car and ask for directions

STUNT II- Must watch Titanic

STUNT III- Must tell only the truth for 24 hours

This case is getting to look just like a movie of the week. Here is some of the latest happenings. See what I mean?

Blake Defense Attacks Witness Credibility- By The Associated Press
Expert describes effects of cocaine and methamphetamine -- the drugs which two retired stuntmen who testified against Blake admitted they had used.

Robert Blake's defense, attacking the credibility of drug users as key witnesses in the murder case against the actor, presented testimony today from a drug expert who said that cocaine and methamphetamines alter perception and cause paranoia.

Ronald Keith Siegel, a psychopharmacologist on the faculty of UCLA medical school, described for jurors the effects of cocaine and methamphetamine -- the drugs which two retired stuntmen who testified against Blake admitted they had used.

Siegel said the drugs caused hallucinations which are so real that they persist in the minds of users for many years and that users remain convinced that what they perceived was real.

"You can't win an argument with a paranoid," he said. "They are so convinced of the reality."

Siegel, who said he has studied hallucinatory drugs since the 1960s, told of trying the drugs himself to experience the effects and said he once crawled into the cages of monkeys who were smoking cocaine. But he said he has not tried the drugs in more than 25 years.

Yep,about 4 or 5 years ago I was 60 pounds heavier than I am now. (more, if you count all the times I gained and lost weight over the years)
But, Ive always had a weight problem-still do, I guess its like being an alcoholic-even if you get smaller and stay smaller,you still have to watch it or you will become Orca. So, in that respect, Im not normal.
I look at food differently now than when I was younger. Nowadays, (and I never thought Id think this way) there is lots of advertising and restaurants,etc that work on tempting me to eat fattening,comforting foods-chocolate cake, McDonalds fries, potato chips, candy, spaghetti, sweet rolls, just to mention a very,very few, however, I dont WANT to eat this stuff-not necessarily because of the weight issue but because these foods are crap and poison for my one and only given system. I dont want high blood pressure,diabetes, heart disease,cancer just to name a few or to be predisposed to any of things-guess Ive seen and heard too many people being painfully ravaged by diseases that could have been prevented in the first place-most of these diseases/disorders can be controlled just by not EATING this shit-fucking imagine that. Not too difficult to do when you think of it that way. Prevention is always better than treating a problem.
Kind of like smoking-dont smoke and you decrease your risk of getting all kinds of horrible disorders- And you know, there are even some STUPID colleagues of mine in the health care biz who SMOKE-dumbshits.
Anyway-you are probably wondering how I did this...okay, I will tell you what worked for me and keep in mind Ive had a weight problem since I was 9 years old and since then, have tried everything including weight watchers,starving myself,juice diets,jenny craig,shots,pills etc. Eventually, as I approached my 30's, try as I might, I couldnt lose weight and I was eating once a day!I almost gave up thinking nothing would work anymore-I found out not only was I was not able to metabolize food, due to the constant dieting I had done, I was insulin resistant and couldnt metabolize certain carbs either.
What worked for me was (and I promise you, this is not meant to be an infomercial and Im not trying to sell a program) the Michael Thurmond 6 week body make over.What motivated me to try this was knowing that I can do just about anything for 6 weeks-so I gave it a try.
The program encourages you to eat 6 times a day and cut out refined carbs-like white bread and cookies,but small amounts of good carbs like rice and sweet potatoes are allowed. You dont have to do alot of exercise,in fact hard workouts are discouraged-maybe a little walking, but I found the diet alone works just fine and I wasnt. I started seeing weight disappear from my body the first week and the rest of it came off in about 4-6 months(a little longer than 6 weeks but since I had lost a good amount of weight in 6 weeks-I was motivated to keep going) the results were unbelievable.
The program is definitely something I found I was able to continue even after the weight was lost-I still would like to lose about 20 more pounds-I will.Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Slipping on a smaller size clothing that I hadnt been able to wear in years was quite a different but happy feeling and I didnt feel liking hiding anymore-I was now willing to have my picture taken without running away in fear-I bought a bathing suit for the first time in a long time, best of all, I aquired self-confidence and was able to start personal relationships.
Ive been able to keep this weight thing under control for a while now, which is something I was never able to do. Now Im working on the toning thing with the "Firm", video(no, not the motion picture-its an exercise video)Cross those fingers for me here too.
Im not a supermodel and will never be one,but thats okay-most people arent, my weight loss has taught me that I have beauty within.
My point-dont give up...if I can do it, anyone can and I mean that.

Ya Like the good stuff? Since I wont be getting any Valentine candy this year,here are a few Jello recipes that are red- that I may try-I bet you never thought of these..What can I say, Im OLD, I LIKE JELLO (Good for when you dont have teeth or a valentine date) Hey-also,if you are so inclined, you can make up some of the non-alcoholic selections and bring it to one of those stupid ass potlucks they always seem to be having at work.

Strawberry Margarita Jell-O Shots

1 large box strawberry Jell-O
2 cups boiling water
1 cup cold water
1/2 cup Cuervo Gold Tequila
1/4 cup Triple Sec
1/4 cup Lime Lizzard Schnapps (by DeKuyper)
for the lime flavoring

Dissolve the Jell-O in the boiling water. Add the cold water (you can add an equivalent amount of ice and water) to cool down the mixture so that the alcohols do not evaporate.
When cooled, add the tequila, triple sec and schnapps. Pour into 3-ounce Dixie Cups and chill until set in the refrigerator.

Yield: 16 Dixie cups

Valentine Cutouts

2 small boxes cherry or raspberry gelatin
2 1/2 cups boiling water
1 cup cold milk
1 small box instant vanilla pudding mix

In a bowl, dissolve gelatin in water; set aside for 30 minutes.

In a small bowl, whisk milk and pudding mix until smooth, about 1 minute. Quickly pour into gelatin; whisk until well blended. Pour into an oiled 13 x 9-inch dish. Chill until set.

Cut into cubes or use a heart-shape cookie cutter.

Yields 8 to 10 servings.

Valentine's Day Jiggler Hearts

1/2 cup thawed frozen strawberries (with juice)
4 envelopes plain, unflavored Knox gelatine
2 cups cold water
1 (6 ounce) can frozen apple juice concentrate

Mix strawberries in a blender. Stir unflavored gelatine into the cold water, and heat slowly over medium-low heat until the gelatin is totally dissolved.

Stir together the strawberries and gelatin mixture, then add frozen apple juice concentrate. Stir until apple juice concentrate has dissolved.

Spray a 9 x 12-inch pan with Pam cooking spray.

Pour the mixture into the pan and chill until firm.
To unmold, turn the pan upside down over a countertop. Using heart-shaped cookie-cutters, cut hearts out of the gelatin.

Velvet Valentine Salad

1 small box lemon gelatin
4 cups hot water, divided
1 pound marshmallows
1 small can crushed pineapple
8 ounces cream cheese
1 cup Miracle Whip
1/2 cup cream, whipped
1 small box raspberry gelatin

Dissolve lemon gelatin in 1 cup hot water.

Melt marshmallows in 1 cup hot water. Mix and let cool.

Mix pineapple, cream cheese, salad dressing and cream. Add to gelatin mixture. Chill until wet.

Mix raspberry gelatin and 2 cups hot water; chill. Pour over pineapple mixture. Chill until firm, then cut into squares.

This was in the news today:

Date from Hell: Rescue!
Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:33 AM ET
CANBERRA - It's every single person's nightmare: You're on a date, it's a disaster but there's no way out.
With Valentine's Day looming, a mobile phone company in Australia has come to the rescue with a service offering an escape from the date from hell.
All you have to do is discreetly dial three numbers and then hang up without saying a word.
"Virgin Mobile will call them back a minute later with a perfect excuse to get them out of there. We'll even talk them through what to say," the company, a joint venture of the Virgin Group and Optus, said in a statement.
A survey of 402 people by Virgin Mobile found that 53 percent arrange in advance to have a friend call them mid-date to check they are all right or if they need an excuse to get out.
The results showed women were twice as likely as men to use the tactic.

I thought this was a great true story to share-kind of gets you thinking,
Of course,I couldnt win a stack of dirty diapers, but I do admire those who can...

David Phillips, a civil engineer at UC-Davis, has become a cult hero in the obsessive subculture of people who collect frequent-flier miles by converting $3,150 worth of pudding into 1.2 million miles. Oh, yeah-he's also going to claim an $815 tax write-off.
Phillips was pushing his shopping cart down the frozen-food aisle of his local supermarket when a promotion on a Healthy Choice frozen entrée caught his eye: He could earn 500 miles for every 10 Universal Product Codes (bar codes) from Healthy Choice products he sent to the company by 12/31/02. Even better: Any Healthy Choice bar codes mailed by the end of the month would rack up double the mileage, or 1,000 miles for every 10 labels. "I started doing the math, and I realized that this was a great deal," he said. "I wanted to take my family to Europe this summer, and this could be the way."
Frozen entrées were about $2 apiece, but a few aisles away Phillips found cans of Healthy Choice soups at 90 cents each. He filled his cart with them, and then headed to his local Grocery Outlet, a warehouse-style discount store. And there he hit the mother lode.

"They had individual servings of chocolate pudding for 25 cents apiece," he said. "And each serving had its own bar code on it. I did some more math and decided to escalate my plans." Phillips cleaned the store out - bought every last cup of pudding in the warehouse. He then asked the manager for the addresses of all the other Grocery Outlet in the Central Valley and, with his mother-in-law riding shotgun in his van, spent a weekend scouring the shelves of every store from Davis to Fresno. "There were 10 stores in all," he said. "Luckily, most of them were right off the freeway."

He filled his garage to the rafters with chocolate pudding and stacked additional cases in his living room. But Phillips wasn't finished yet - he had the manager of his local Grocery Outlet order him 60 more cases. "A few days later I went out behind the store," he said, "and there were two whole pallets of chocolate pudding with my name on them." All in all, he'd purchased 12,150 individual servings of pudding. Around this time, Phillips began to reveal his scheme to fellow of the Webflyer Web site where he posted an account under the name "Pudding Guy." Phillips' tale was met with skepticism, if not outright disbelief, until he uploaded photos of his haul. But then Pudding Guy discovered he had a problem on his hands: The deadline for earning double miles was quickly approaching, and there was simply no way Phillips and his wife could tear off all those bar codes in time. "I had to come up with something to do with all that pudding, fast" he said. Phillips trucked the pudding to two local food banks and the Salvation Army, which agreed to tear off the bar codes in exchange for the food donation. "We'd never seen anything like it," said Larry Hostetler, community relations director for the Sacramento Salvation Army. "We've gotten some big donations, but always from companies and institutions, not individual people." Phillips got his bar codes in the mail in time to beat the deadline, and then held his breath. The promotion specifically said I could get the miles for any Healthy Choice product," he said. "But still, it seemed like there was a good chance they'd get me on some technicality. "But then packages — large packages — started arriving in the mail from Healthy Choice. In all, they contained 2,506 certificates, each good for 500 miles. That's 1,253,000 miles.
Under the terms of the promotion, Phillips could have the mileage posted in any airline account. He split 216,000 between his United, Delta and Northwest accounts and posted the rest — 1,037,000 miles — to his American Airlines account.

By surpassing the million-mile mark, Pudding Guy now has Aadvantage Gold status for life, entitling him to a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades and bonus miles. Pudding Guy did a little math,as you might have noticed by now, he's very, very good at math - and figured out that scheme netted him enough miles for 31 round-trip coach tickets to Europe, or 42 tickets to Hawaii, or 21 tickets to Australia, or 50 tickets anywhere in the U.S. Phillips said. "Since I gave the pudding to charity I can take a tax write-off of $815. So that brings the cost of a ticket to Europe down to $75." As it turns out, Pudding Guy didn't donate all his stash to the food banks. He kept about 100 servings for himself, and he's just about finished them. "Actually," he said, "I really like the stuff." Phillips, his wife, and his children can now look forward to many years of cost-free international travel.

This evening, after work, I headed for a class that my job was sending me to. It was announced, after I got there, that the instructor was ill and we could all go home early, we were all given an assignment, signed in and left around 5:30-6:00 PST (fucking rush hour for me) I had to take a couple of freeways and was miles from home. (I usually leave work before 5:30-so I dont hit traffic)
I called my brother on the cell phone, hands free-of course, (he, by the way, also has a cool blog going on-see links to get hooked up) I bitched to him about how much traffic there was on the freeway I was on and that all there was were brake lights as far as the eye could see. He and I comisererated for a while, while we both joked that half these people on the freeway were probably uninsured-ha ha. He told me to be careful, I told him I couldnt speed, I was in too much traffic plus, I was in the far right lane-"what could happen?"
Then it happened BOOM. My brother heard it.
Someone hit my fucking car from behind rather hard for only going less than 15 miles an hour. I told my brother via the cell phone that I had just been hit and I would talk to him later, I hung up, pulled over and got out of my car. The 20 or so year old Mexican kid that hit me,who didn't speak good English, also pulled over and got out of his car. He walked over to my car, and we both bent over to see the damage to my car-not too much but still the lower bumper had some paint taken off of it and my back will probably be sore tomorrow. We agreed to share insurance information.
He was friendly enough and we both went back to our cars-me to get my license and insurance and I thought he was doing the same. As I got in my car and reached for my wallet, I looked in my rear view mirror just in time to see him speed off-without exchanging any information and it happened so fast and he was so sneaky that I couldn't even see his license number to write down, and it was dark outside so I couldn't describe his car.
Well shit happens, But lately,I just wish it would happen to someone else. Does it help that Im a good person? Im living proof, guess not.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Funny Cop story

Shit