Step around the poop, if you can

Feeling kind of va-kleept today, I had a fender bender with an old guy and he got kind of-shall we say, defensive, with me. It was my fault,I backed into his car in a very crowded,small parking area, I said I was sorry,I didnt see his car(it was a small one),He immediately got feisty with me and said loudly,"are you saying this is my fault?" At least it was a small little thing that some paint will cover. No dents-I am insured,he was more annoyed at the thought of the trouble he'd have to go thru now.
Well,found some interesting stuff to get my mind off of this...

Pink Floyd - Back Catalogue

Lookout she's backing up - No wait it's her pager. I bet this poor girl is the butt of a lot of jokes.

The only way to fill this pipe is to grow your own. Don't pay any attention to those airplanes circling overhead

For all you sunworshippers. The end result is sooo damn sexy and healthy looking.


Stupid Laws from Alabama:

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.

Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.

Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate.
**************************************************************************
I think Ive eaten here

Sarcasm.
I love it.
No wonder Im not married.

I use it often, I didnt think anyone else knew about it, until today...
When I went to the bank to get some money.
Teller, Nina, a smileless lady,(that is, until I left), about 65 years old waited on me.
I handed her my check and said I wanted some in cash and some deposited to my account. She filled out one of their generic deposit slips for me and told me to slide my bank card in the machine, then she handed me the deposit slip and requested that I sign it, "where?" I asked Nina as I looked at the slip. she replied "At the line where I put a BIG RED CIRCLE"
Hey Nina,I love your customer service, sarcastic old mama. Keep up the good work.
*****************************************************************************
Found this in the news today:
OMAHA, Neb. - "A man being pursued by police because he was driving a car linked to several burglaries jumped out of the moving vehicle and leaped off a bridge into the Missouri River - and survived.

Police do not know the man's identity, but they were sure he survived the long fall because he could be heard yelling insults at officers after hitting the water."
******************************************************************************

Hey Dude and dudette,yours is here:
Sarcastic Horoscopes

CAPRICORN
(December 22 -January 20)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

AQUARIUS
(January 21 - February 19)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined toward progressiveness. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

PISCES
(February 20 - March 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think that you are being followed by the F.B.I. or the C.I.A. You have a minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their nose a lot.

ARIES
(March 2 - April 20)
You are the pioneer and hold most of people in contempt. You are quick tempered and impatient and scornful of Advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS
(April 21 - May 21)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell.. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a Goddamn Communist.

GEMINI
(May 22 - June 21)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER
(June 22 - July 23)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples' problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and never be worth shit.

LEO
(July 24 - August 23)
You consider yourself a born leader, Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting, Leo people are thriving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.

VIRGO
(August 24 - September 23)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA
(September 24 - October 23)
You are the artistic type, and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent, because most Libra women are whores. All Libras usually get venereal disease.

SCORPIO
(October 24 - November 22)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect Son of a Bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS
(November 23 - December 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck because you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you because you are always getting fucked.

I took the day off work today so I could go to court to take care of that ticket I was given in February(see blog entry-titled,"SHIT"-February 5th,if you want details) and to take care of some other crap that came up recently that can only be handled during the week. Of course my supervisor gave me shit when I requested this day off- I guess Im suppose to work 365 days a year-and I better not have a life. Didnt know that.

Anyway,I chose to fight my ticket-thinking it was unfair, and my court date and time was for today. Never having stepped foot in a courtroom before, in my mind I didnt know what to expect.
I arrived at court this morning, all scrubbed,in my suit and contacts, around 8:15 for a supposed time of 8:30.
Well, It seems I stepped into a room that held the the cast of Deliverence,
about 30 people who appeared to have dressed out of a garbage can and hadnt taken their weekly bath yet. (I would have thought,the least they could have done was re-arrange their bathing schedule for the occasion)
Some of these folks needed interpreters, not just spanish but one old Granny spoke another language Id never heard of-I think she was in a Star Wars movie. The interpreter for this Wookie arrived, and approached the baldheaded Deputy(this guy most probably watches Nascar on his day off), who said,(with his teeth bucked out like a horse),
"we already got an interpreter and shes already here" The interpreter explained who he was here to interpret for and that he was not a spanish speaking interpreter. I swear I thought that Beetle Baily was going to scratch his ass or something when he answered "Oh, its another language your wanting to interpret" "ok"
Then the Deputy yells out to a lady named Garcia, "Do you want to go to traffic school instead of seeing the judge?" The Wookie who doesnt speak english pipes up loudly and answers instead of letting Garcia answer, and in broken english, "YEAS, I WANT THE TRAAAAFIC SCHOOOL" Deputy Dawg answers "Is your name Garcia? I wad-ent talkin to you"
While I was sitting in my seat waiting, Dont you know deputy dawg got a phone call from his wife-
now, to explain, his desk is right in front of everyone, so there is no privacy. Heres how his conversation went, "Hi Baby, yes, I know where that is,I put it away in one of the cubicles, I love you have a good day" Then he told everyone, like he was a comedian doing standup for an audience,"make sure you tell em that you love em, thats the secret, Ive been married 27 years".
The officer who gave me the ticket arrives -in his suit and tie(I guess I got him on his day off)He also sits down and waits for the judge to arrive. I dont think he is thrilled-Im sure thats the last place he wants to be on his day off.
Hour and a half later, still no judge.
The slick headed deputy picked up a stack of cases and notices that the officers involved had not showed for the majority of them, so he begins to dismiss those individuals who were lucky enough not to have their officers show up.
Of course, mine showed up.
But then something odd happened, my officer calls me outside the courtroom to discuss the ticket. He asked me "Do you know what the ticket is for?" "yes, I can read what you wrote me up for",I replied "but I need some clarification,I dont know what I did to deserve a ticket,perhaps the judge could explain that to me"
The officer drew me a diagram and lectured me on what I did wrong. Then he went on to say that he will dismiss this ticket, and I am very lucky because he usually wins each time. "Yeah,yeah" I thought, "If I want to hear from an asshole, Id fart"
I was just glad he was dismissing this thing, I would get my money back, no traffic school,my insurance would be lowered and it would be removed from my DMV record.
After he had dismissed my ticket, he wanted to know what I did for a living. I kind of thought this was an odd request for him to make, but, I told him "Im a nurse"
"which hospital?" he wanted to know. Then I got weirded out. And he didnt ask me like he was flirting with me or anything-more like he was writing a term paper.

Anyway, I was thrilled. I wanted to celebrate. But it was on to the next errand for me.

EWWW

LOL

EWWW

EWW

EWWwww

EWW

EWW

Ewwww-Ewwwwwwwwwww (Vicente Fox and Jesse Jackson)


Last but not least:
EWW and LOL
NO PICTURE AVAILABLE BUT imagine,
a photo of Merijoe's ass