Friday, April 15, 2005
Men
LMAO- Sorry guys.
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you
that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card-playing when I wantwith my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night
......... whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to
answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to
be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of
paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about
to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you
that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card-playing when I wantwith my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night
......... whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to
answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to
be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of
paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about
to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
