Step around the poop, if you can

I could go on and on..blog entry after blog entry and never really introduce myself... so I will do that so you know who I really am, in hopes that I dont offend anyone and because I need some therapy- talking about myself for a little while should help. :) Bear with me please...


Im really not a wretched,inhumane,despicable woman with evil intents-quite the opposite-very lovely on the inside.

My philosophy is to leave people alone and let them make their own choices. I hate to be manipulated and do my best not to do it to others. You see, I know what that feels like, the guilt of not doing what others want you to do,even if you dont want to, and if you do dare to object, the feeling of being afraid and alone,the emotional blackmail you experience doesnt feel worth ever protesting to anyone again -I grew up with this on a regular basis and experienced it well into adulthood until I finally realized that people will do unto you what you allow them to do and people have their own agenda's. I guess I got extreme after dealing with so much manipulation- I am so offended by anyone who attempts to tell me(in a critical way) what to do that I get mulish and dig my feet in the ground. I still get sucked in by a sob story and I tend to give individual's lots of chances even after Ive been hurt
by them. Part of my personality-always has been. I am glad to have this characteristic, not everyone has it and I would like the same benefit from others.

I try to love hard without coming on as too needy-I see this neediness routine as just another manipulation ploy. I know there are people who are uncomfortable being on the receiving line but I dont have any ulterior motives,loving makes me happy and affects others in a positive way-period. That is, if they can get past the fact that I dont want anything in return.

I hate alot of drama and confusion-things I also grew up with. Im all about peaceful living and getting along with others.I tend to run the other way when I feel fighting or upheaval coming my way. I understand that everyone has things in their lives,if they've lived long enough, this cant be helped and is acceptable, but if I cant get along with you and you cant get along with me and there is alot of yelling and screaming involved -It scares me and I dont stay around long.

Yes, I do try to interject my opinion now and then-especially if it is a subject I am well familiar with due to life experience, but I mean well and I do try to pull back if I see I am going too far. But I am human and I make mistakes like all of us. I have big ideals and one of them is the hope that others will understand that very fact-doesnt always work out like that though. People are quite satisfied-almost relieved, that they have a reason to blow you off. And the motto is, "hurt others before they can hurt you."

Because I dont have someone I can bounce issues off on or get feedback from, I attempt to use humor (and exaggerate it) to relieve stress. I find that after I do this, I really dont feel the bad stuff anymore. I guess its kind of like drugs or alcohol.

I absoultely do not want to offend anyone, I would rather be the one who gets hurt than be the one who hurts someone else, I guess my humor can be cutting-but honest I dont mean to hurt anyone and I hope I havent done so.

Well thats about all I feel comfortable talking about in regards to me,at least for now- folks.Hope I didnt bore you into not reading anymore.
Hey,this was hard to say believe me. Especially when I know it will be viewed by others.