Step around the poop, if you can

Went to Catalina on Sunday with my "more than friend" He rented a canoe so we could go Kayaking. I have never done this in my 45 years on this planet, but hell, I was game-this will be fun! The weather was nice-about 75 degrees,sunny with a slight breeze. There were paddleboats,ski-boats,sailboats,tour boats,dingys,etc and the water was clear and sort of calm with a few little swells cropping up once in a while.
Birds were flying around trying to catch a fish, children were throwing balls and people were snorkeling, when we made our way out to the deck that led us to the canoe-me donned in a skort and t-shirt-My guy chose to sit in the back of the canoe and was holding a long pole with a paddle on each end. I looked at him and felt like the pillsbury dough girl as I noticed how attractive he looked,as usual,buff, athletic,trim,muscular and it was also very apparent that he was sitting pretty damn low in that canoe.
Then it was my turn to sit, the cabana boy helped me down in the canoe and I swear it felt as though I was sitting in the water. I began the decent to sit in my front seat, and I kept decending until I felt I had reached to china, I didnt fall but I did plop my fat ass down rather hard in that canoe to the point that my head went backward. The cute guy in the back was not sympathetic, "ok,get up" was what he stated to me.
My ass was instantly sopping wet because there was water in the canoe-duh. I justed smiled.
I was also handed a long pole with a paddle on each end.
"Where was the motor?" I thought.
You mean this is what I will be using to make this vehicle go?
okay.
So, off we went. And I paddled and paddled-I learned that if you paddle on the left,you will steer to the right and vice versa. I was also advised about every 5 minutes by "Marathon man" in the back, that I wasnt holding the paddle correctly and I needed to scoop at the water, evidently I wasnt "digging up" enough water with my paddle and my knees were up too high.
Then he decided to steer us into the shark infested, deep six, rip tide area where a red ball bobbed up and down with a sign on that said,caution.
There were no people or boats within a quarter mile of this fucking area-oh yeah, except for the speedboat that zipped past us kicking up 7 feet high swells as I furiously tried to paddle my little floating turd away from there with the pole.
When we finally got to calmer waters, another canoe passed us holding a woman in the front and a guy in the back,they paddled smoothly in perfect sychronization.
"thats how you should be paddling, see how she's doing it?" was yelled to me by macho man
"I know you arent comparing me to Miss Kayack, who probably lives on the island and does this every day" I replied back "At least Im not steering us in fucking circles"
An hour later, when we got back to the dock, the deckhand didnt have to help me out of the boat, I got up so fast you'd of thought I had a firecracker in my ass.
Oh and I got a nice sunburn on my legs and my face and I started my period.
Next blog-the night fly fish tour