Friday, October 28, 2005
I need a computer desk....
Priority! I was thinking about going to IKEA for this desk and I just happened to run across these here instructions on the internet on how to assemble an IKEA computer desk:
1.1 - Help friends move into new condo. For your hard work, receive gift of IKEA computer desk and microwave they don't need anymore. When desk parts are dropped off at your bachelor apartment, be careful not to ask any questions whatsoever concerning proper assembly and function. Following the move, drink several beers on an empty stomach, say goodbye politely, and take subway home. Pick up more beer.
1.2 - Enjoy several beers. Wait for surge of booze-fueled confidence to flow through you. Realize with sudden clarity that you could snap together that tiny little computer desk right now if you wanted to. Listen to small, nagging voice of reason in the back of your mind. This voice will remind you, in a soothing, reassuring tone, that assembling a large metal desk full of sharp jagged parts while half-potted is unwise.
1.3 - Ignore this voice.
- Remove wads of paper towel from bottom of foot when bleeding has stopped. Clean up the blood stains on floor that lead out the hallway and to the bathroom, where the first aid was. Note ruefully the blood stains going up and over the old desk directly in front of the bathroom door.
5.2 - Curse, if you want to. It will make you feel better. Realize three hours have now passed.
5.3 - Admit temporary defeat. Decide to just check a little email and surf the net a bit, then worry about all this tomorrow. Realize you can't get on your computer until the stupid IKEA computer desk is properly assembled.
5.4 - Decide to just get this whole hellish process over with. Crawl over old computer desk to go to the bathroom. Repeat this many times throughout night, as you get progressively less coordinated.
1.1 - Help friends move into new condo. For your hard work, receive gift of IKEA computer desk and microwave they don't need anymore. When desk parts are dropped off at your bachelor apartment, be careful not to ask any questions whatsoever concerning proper assembly and function. Following the move, drink several beers on an empty stomach, say goodbye politely, and take subway home. Pick up more beer.
1.2 - Enjoy several beers. Wait for surge of booze-fueled confidence to flow through you. Realize with sudden clarity that you could snap together that tiny little computer desk right now if you wanted to. Listen to small, nagging voice of reason in the back of your mind. This voice will remind you, in a soothing, reassuring tone, that assembling a large metal desk full of sharp jagged parts while half-potted is unwise.
1.3 - Ignore this voice.
- Remove wads of paper towel from bottom of foot when bleeding has stopped. Clean up the blood stains on floor that lead out the hallway and to the bathroom, where the first aid was. Note ruefully the blood stains going up and over the old desk directly in front of the bathroom door.
5.2 - Curse, if you want to. It will make you feel better. Realize three hours have now passed.
5.3 - Admit temporary defeat. Decide to just check a little email and surf the net a bit, then worry about all this tomorrow. Realize you can't get on your computer until the stupid IKEA computer desk is properly assembled.
5.4 - Decide to just get this whole hellish process over with. Crawl over old computer desk to go to the bathroom. Repeat this many times throughout night, as you get progressively less coordinated.
