Step around the poop, if you can

My friend M from New Orleans has had a stalker calling his cell phone for about a year now-a gay fuck who is obsessed with M for some sick ass reason that is unknown. Evidently this cockroach saw him in a bar in New Orleans, found out his name and phone number and started his dysfunctional,psychopathic,barrage of pathetic,trailer trash,harrassement by finding out the address,names and birthdates of M's immediate family then calling to tell him of his discovery.
The Hurricane came and M received no further calls-so thinking the stalker had forgotten him and moved on-M finally breathed a sigh of relief

Back in California, M and I went out last night, had a few drinks, and started back to his place around 8 pm-I drove my car and followed him as he drove home.
M called my cell phone and said "Guess who just called me?", I couldnt guess "the stalker" he said
"what?" I replied
"And he told me he has been in my apartment(the one in New Orleans that he had to leave) a couple of times already, He told me he took my gun,a very special photo album of mine, my pillow and some of my underwear"

M was very upset when we finally got to his place. He is feeling really violated and he doesnt know what to do or who to tell, he is especially upset that the fucker stole a precious photo album which was made for him by an elderly lady, who was real special to him

This faggot belongs in jail or a mental institution and I hope he can be caught,M caught a couple of phone numbers on his cell caller ID but who knows if these are his. I doubt it. M did a reverse check on the internet but wasnt successful
I suddenly had a horrible thought, what if Voodoo wasnt rescued in time and he had stolen him?


MENTAL HOSPITAL SWITCHBOARD
Please press hash now to continue, whether it appears on your keypad or not. If you do not have a touch-tone phone, go out and buy one you freak

Please choose one of the following options:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 over and over and over again;

If you are multiple personality, touch 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.

If you are hysterical, don't touch any buttons whatsoever, something terrible might happen;

If you are bipolar, touch 1, then 9;

If you are schizophrenic, don't touch any buttons, a little voice will tell you what to do;

If you are paranoid, there is no need to touch any buttons. We know who you are, we know where you live, and we will be coming to get you very soon.

If you are a psychopath, rip the cord out of the wall and run away with the phone;

If you are an anal-retentive psychopath, take the phone apart. Place each piece in a plastic bag. Tape each plastic bag tightly shut. Place all the plastic bags into a large, brown paper bag, which you then place in the southeast corner of your freezer.

If you are depressed, do not touch any buttons. It wouldn't do any good anyway.

If you are manic, touch as many buttons as you can as fast as possible;

If you are narcissist, touch yourself.