Monday, January 30, 2006
didyaknow?
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying
"booya".
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only
a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
not had
to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds
of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris
can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she
was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Fuck was That?"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
